Hoverboards, Creationism and the sad sad tale of Kirk Cameron’s decent into Delusion

Ok, walk with me for a second. This morning I read that the original hoverboard prop from Back to the Future II is being auctioned off on Ebay with a starting bid of 30 thousand dollars. I clicked through and sure enough, it’s true. 30K for this piece of wood:



If you’re as big a fan of this movie as I am (clearly, I am a HUGE fan), the fact that the hoverboard from Back to the Future II is in fact a piece of wood might really piss you off. Why? Because we were once told otherwise. By Kirk FUCKING Cameron.

You see, around the time that BTHFII and BTHFIII came out, Kirk Cameron, former best friend to Boner, appeared in a farce of a documentary called “Secrets of the Back to the Future Trilogy.” Now, perhaps due to the absurd mind-fuck it implanted in the brains of adolescent boys across the country, footage of this documentary has all but vanished from the interweb. But I assure you, friends, it did happen; here’s its IMDB page and here’s a still from a now-removed YouTube clip:



In this riCOCKulous made-for-TV fraud, Mr. Cameron had the gall to tell everyone watching that Matell had invented real, working hoverboards, but that “parents groups”, concerned for the safety of their offspring, had them banned for eternity. Needless to say, this sent my little 12 year old brain, and millions like it across the country, into a drooling, panting, hoverboard-wanting frenzy for YEARS to come. It wasn’t until the trilogy finally made it out to DVD in 2005 that the whole thing was put to bed in a far more reputable (and factual!) making-of documentary, helmed by a thankfully nameless and faceless narrator. For that, I say FUCK YOU KIRK CAMERON.

It’s only fitting, then, that a man capable of propagating such an impudent and unadulterated sham upon the populous would later in life become a creationist. Creationism and its stupefyingly obtuse doppelganger Intelligent Design, are, after all, the most ludicrous theories to ever poison mankind. But what’s really shocking here is not that Mikey Seev-ah has become a god-fearing agent of indoctrination for some dumb church, it’s that he has done so with such incredible idiocy. Have a click through a “Kirk Cameron” search on YouTube for some of this jackass' remarks, or better yet, watch the clip below, and try not to shed a tear for what the once-beloved son of Carol and Mike has become.